In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful....

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful....

Introduction

This is a journal of my experience in life as as a Muslim convert. I share about the things I learn, question, reflect upon, achieve, and experience on the path of Islam. [96:1-5] Read! In the name of your Lord who created - Created the human from something which clings. Read! And your Lord is Most Bountiful - He who taught (the use of) the Pen, Taught the human that which he knew not.

About Maryam

I study Islamic Studies and International Business at the university, and enjoy studying political science and languages as well. On my free time I study Arabic, Hebrew, and religion. I am Guatemalan and American.I am also Spanish, Italian Scottish and German. I also speak Spanish, Japanese, and Italian. I love to learn about other cultures. I also love to learn about nutrition and fitness. I am very active in sports, outdoor activities and exercise, and flamenco dance class. I am fascinated with my country, Guatemala, it is such a beautiful place, full of variety and rich culture and history, especially the Maya. I LOVE to cook and I try to have a well-balanced diet. Someday I also hope to learn Amharic, Persian (Farsi), and Aramaic and I hope to travel to all of the middle east and Ethiopia, Japan, and Sicily.

Knowledge and Understanding

[2:269] He [Allah] grants wisdom to whom He pleases; and he to whom wisdom is granted indeed receives a benefit overflowing. But none will grasp the Message except men of understanding.
[20:114] High above all is Allah, the King, the Truth. Do not be in haste with the Qur'an before its revelation to you is completed, but say, "O my Sustainer! Increase my knowledge."
[3:190-191] Verily in the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the alternation of night and day - there are indeed signs for men of understanding; Men who remember Allah, standing, sitting, and lying down on their sides, and contemplate the creation of the heavens and the earth (with the thought) "Our Lord! Not for nothing have You created (all) this. Glory to You! Give us salvation from the suffering of the Fire."
[39:9] ...Say: Are those equal, those who know and those who do not know? It is those who are endued with understanding that remember (Allah's Message).
[58:11] ...Allah will raise up to (suitable) ranks (and degrees) those of you who believe and who have been granted knowledge.

Sheikh Mishary Al Afasy

He came to my mosque in the USA to recite from the Qur'an recently and when he prayed salat he cried. My first time to pray the late night prayer during Ramadan was when I went to Kuwait in the Grand Mosque and Mishary was reciting Surat Maryam! Sub7anAllah... Here is a video of nasheed (Islamic poetry) from him. He has been blessed with a beautiful voice for praising Allah, masha' Allah. You can see some of his recitations of the Qur'an at my mosque at this site - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sg2QYHmRfY0&mode=related&search=

Monday, February 18, 2008

Kuwait University (jam3atfilkuwait)

:) So fiiiinallly, akheeeeeeeeran I have made some progress in attempting to attend Kuwait University. Last semester I attended American University of Kuwait which was an amazing experience, but it is too expensive and I also wanted to try to experience a more authentically Kuwaiti cultural setting which I could find in Kuwait University. AUK is more liberal and more diverse but they both have their good and bad points so I am happy to experience both schools. From the time I came to Kuwait, actually even before that, I had tried to look into studying at Kuwait University but it was soooooo difficult to obtain information about the school. It is a national university and 90% of the students are Kuwaiti. They have a program for non-degree students, where they allow visiting students to attend for up to three semesters for credit classes but they cannot obtain a degree there. I finally found out about this through a friend that attends there. I found out they had many courses in English when I had heard the contrary before. I got the course catalog and was happy to see they had many courses related to my majors in English. I even discovered they have an intensive Arabic program that I would have taken last semester had I known about it. It is three hours a day every day. I also saw the book and it was just my level. But unfortunately I found out that I cannot take the intensive Arabic if I want to take other courses at KU. What a bummer. I had to walk all around the campuses trying to find the teachers for the courses I want to register for and get their signatures. It was a three day long process and three days into the semester. I didn't get why they would not let me register until the first day of the course when the process takes so much time. But thankfully I had a friend at KU help me obtain all the signatures and find my way around campus. AlhamdulEllah. I am almost registered but not quite, I need one last signature before they will let me. Insha Allah it will all work out.

Friday, February 15, 2008

A Day in the Desert



Assalamu alaikoum ! I have great news! SubhanAllah, Glory to Allah. Remember a few month back when I was just thinking about how we can contribute to changing the condition of the orphanage??? I talked to many people and considered helping my friend Hamad with a documentary about the orphanage to raise awareness and today, just five months later, I discovered through my auntie, the Kuwaiti lady I am living with in Kuwait, that an NGO is coming in and restructuring the orphanage. They have such a great vision and a well-organized and innovative plan to achieve it for the children. I had the privilege of meeting the main organizers of this plan today as I went to the desert in the area called July3a, Kuwait, where they were holding a fun camp for the kids with horses and swings and trampolines and magicians and food and lots of fun for them. The leaders were women and some of the most admirable women I have ever had the opportunity to meet. Kuwaitis have a lot to be proud of in these ladies. Ma sha Allah. Even I am proud to know there are Muslim women like this making a change in their society in such a way. They truly are amazing women, and they are also so sweet and I enjoyed every second I shared with them. I hope I can do like them someday. They are great role models for the young people of Kuwait. They are also careful about keeping a low profile with their names and the NGO as they feel it would be un-Islamic to go around boasting. That is nice to see for a change. It is Allah who is the best rewarder and may He reward them for what they are trying to accomplish and may all of these children succeed in life here and in the hereafter insha Allah. One of the leaders of the NGO happens to be the wife of a key minister in Kuwait and she is of the royal family. It was inspiring to watch her work today along with her team. She introduced me to her daughters who are the kindest and gentlest ladies, as well as super smart and savvy. I spent the afternoon with them at their home eating chocolate chip cookies and drinking lemonade while talking about Islam and about the importance of realizing our rights in Islam as women and the importance of not just accepting what people say but to seek the truth and read the Quran and seek understanding. I found some special new friends today that's for sure.
It was also sooo great to see the kids again and they remembered me some of them and I hope to continue visiting them over the years watching them grow up. It is now encouraging that they will implement some infrastructure into the orphanage that will help mold these children and refine them in sha Allah.
Now I am just waiting to register for Kuwait University. I must do it Sunday. I must also rent a car on Sunday. My friend Emily found me a place to rent one and she says she got hers for 95 kd a month which is great. Insha Allah I will get the same deal. I am praying I will get the classes I need for this semester. I must take calculus or I will have to return to the states so insha Allah it will work out. I moved out of my apartment since my roommate left and now I am living in a different area and this time in the home of a Kuwaiti lady. She is the good friend of my friend's mom. She is soooo great. I am so happy living with her. She has two daughters in college in the states so we are keeping each other company and we have become close. I really enjoy living here. She is very smart and knowledgeable about so many things and she is is also so kind. AlhamdulEllah. I feel so blessed. Every day that passes in Kuwait Allah by his grace showers me with blessings. I feel so happy living in this new place, so happy I can't believe it. It is so great to live in a country and live among the people of that culture. That is the best way to learn the culture in a short time. We are also exchanging languages. She knows seven!! Ma sha Allah. I am teaching her some Spanish and she is tutoring me in Arabic and teaching me some Greek too which is one the languages I had wanted to learn.
Tomorrow I have a long day again, so I better go to sleep, I will be helping with forming the fitness education for the orphans tomorrow. I don't know what it will involve but I will let you know how it goes.
Assalamu alaikoum wa rahmatAllah.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Al Urdon (Jordan)



Assalamu alaikoum,
I realized just recently that I had never posted anything about my time in Jordan!!! I went to Jordan just before coming to Kuwait to visit my friends and to have the opportunity to walk where some of the prophets (pbut) may have walked and see what Arabian culture is like there. I was also planning to study Arabic at the Qasid Institute there along with Islam with my friend Sohaira from the states so I wanted to see if Jordan would be a good place for study. Turned out that it it is great! But my mission is still not done here in Kuwait, but insha Allah after this semester I will we study in Jordan in the future at some point, maybe summer of 2009. Whatever Allah wills. Just sooner or later, I definitely hope to study in Jordan when the time is right.

I fell in love with Jordan from the time I got off the plane. The people were so welcoming and helpful. I had quite an ordeal at the airport with all kinds of stuff and every person I encountered along the way went out of their way to help me out and were so friendly and it was extra comforting since I had just gone through one of the most emotionally exhausting experiences dealing with Israeli security just a couple hours before. I had been stuck at the Israeli airports almost 12 hours and was not treated anywhere nearly as well as I was in Jordan, although there were some exceptions, like the lady who booked me on the last flight out of Israel that day and one of the managers who helped me in many ways and another lady who was kind there too. But the point is, the Jordanians made me forget about my tiredness and negative experience I had just gone through. My favorite stamp in my passport is my Jordan stamp because they don't just use ink stamps, they actually paste a real Jordanian stamp in there too. :) This was my first experience in an mostly Arab country because before that I had arrived in Palestine and the airport and people arriving were almost all Jewish. Needless to say both arrivals were totally different experiences, but both unforgettable and that is for sure.

At any rate, I arrived very late, and my friend gave me a ride to my hotel. I had many friends in Jordan but there was a family there I was friends with but I wanted to surprise so I did not tell them I was coming to the Middle East. It was dark out so I didn't see much of Jordan at all on my way to the hotel that night. The next morning I prayed fajr after hearing the athan for the first time in Jordan. I went to the window to hear it better. It was a beautiful sound while watching the night come to an end. After the prayer I went to sleep for a while longer because I was so exhausted from one of the longest days of my life.
I had contacted my friends and asked them what they were up to. But I still didn't reveal that I was in Jordan. They told me they were going to a Hefla (wedding party) that evening around 5pm. It was still early. They were just about to have lunch. I asked what they were having and they told me mansaf!!! Mansaf is a lamb and rice dish in a yogurt and almond sauce. You MUST try it if you haven't. It is the best thing after kanafa!!!! You can find the recipe on my website http://mimisrecipes.blogspot.com
I told them to save me some. They laughed because they thought I was joking since it would be kind of hard for me to eat it all the way from the USA. But then I made them promise to save some for me. So the mom, who is also named Maryam like me did it just to make me happy, even when they still had no idea I was in town, or even in the country for that matter. Then I wished them well for the party, which was celebrating the marriage of a family cousin.

Then I contacted my friend who took me around to see the Roman ruins and an old mosque while I was waiting for my opportunity to visit the family I know in Amman. Then I had some kanafa, my first kanafa in the Middle East. It was sooooooooooo yummy. I couldn't get enough of it.

THE PLAN
When my friends told me they would be attending a hefla that afternoon, I realized I would not be able to go through with my original plan to ask around their neighborhood for their family name and go to the internet center where one of them works and find their house this way, because nobody would be home since all the family would be at the hefla. So, together with my friend, we planned that I would go to the hall where the hefla was held and ask the guests for my friends and find them this way. The thing was I had only seen them through camera not in person, so I was depending on that to remember and figure out who they are. Since I didn't know where the hefla would be exactly, I had my friend call the family and act like he was one of the invited guests but did not know how to get to the hall. The plan worked and they told him how to get there.

So as we approached the hall, immediately I recognized one of the family members from a block away. But I didn't want them to see me yet, so I ducked down in my friend's van as we passed by. When I got out of the van, my friend left and no one from the family was standing outside, so I had to get over my shyness and ask someone where I could find the family. I had limited Arabic but enough to be able to get this request across. Everyone recognized the family name luckily as I asked for the mother by giving her family name and saying OmmMohammed (which is how traditionally you call women, Mom of and then the name of the oldest son). They told me roughly where to go in the building, but unfortunately I didn't understand their directions, and so all of the kids excitedly grabbed my hands and offered to take me to her and the family. The hall turned out to be much larger than I had imagined. It was actually a building with many floors. It also resulted that the children didn't really seem to know where they were going as they pressed every single floor button on the elevator so it took like what seemed like forever just to find the right floor and also running through many dark hallways in vain.

Finally we found the right place, or so it seemed. There was a curtain wall and I could hear music and celebrating behind it and people were going in and out. But I was not certain if this was the hefla I was looking for, or if there were other heflas going on at the same time in this large building, which was totally possible. I asked a couple people who came out through the curtain but they didn't seem to recognize the family name and the kids just seemed to want to play, and none of them seemed to know how to help me find the family. Finally, I just told myself I would just crash the party. Speaking of wedding party, a bunch of cars just drove past my apartment here in Kuwait honking their horns and it is midnight. Someone must have just gotten married today.

Anyway, back to the story at hand, so I just told myself, be like the wedding crashers, and non-chelontly walk into the room and act like a guest. :p One girl saw me looking through the curtain uncertainly and I was able to explain to her that I was looking for someone. She didn't know the family but she told me to go ahead and come in and look for them. The problem was that I was not sure if I would recognize them in person or not. But I walked in. Now in most Muslim wedding parties, the women are in one hall or room and the men are in another. So obviously I was in the women section.

Anyway, as I walked in, all I could see were the backs of peoples' heads and everyone was wearing hijab (headscarves), so from far it was difficult to tell who was who. I finally took a chance when I spotted a woman who looked somewhat like Maryam in the photo. AlhamdulEllah it was her. I snuck up behind her, and put my hands on her shoulders. She turned around and I bent down to look at her in the eyes. She was in complete shock. She was sooooo surprised that I was in front of her. Then the daughter rub3a recognized me and came to me. Then the entire table started to greet me and hug me too. Turned out somehow everyone knew me. I felt shy from them because I felt guilty for taking attention away from the bride and groom sitting in front. Suddenly I was engulfed and drowning in hugs and embraces and kisses and dancing. It was absolute madness!!!! It was so much fun. I was so happy to be with them. Then they went to the man's side of the party and got all the men of the family to greet me. They were also so surprised.

I was so excited to meet the father, baba 3tef. We actually happened to be in the very same building he has his law office in. So I got to see his business that very same night and took pictures there too with Rub3a and Mohammed and baba 3tef. It was so WANASA! (that means like happiness, joy, fun in Kuwaiti Arabic).
I was actually very very very very tired after all that and the long day and short night from before, and was planning just to surprise them and then go back to the hotel. But they had other plans for me. We went back to the celebration and had some more fun and it was my first hefla so you can imagine how wanasa it was for me to be enjoying this with them. What a perfect time to come mashallah.

After the hefla, they took me to meet cousins and aunts and uncles and we had another celebration there. We danced to drums, the girls all in one family room and the men in the front room and outside. Then we mingled and I met every single person in the house and there were a lot of people. Everyone was soo nice and friendly. It was great to be able to use my Arabic speaking skills too.
The night of fun continued. They told me they would not let me sleep! They took me to see Amman and then we went to the family house and talked and laughed about what had happened that day. Then we prayed fajr and I think they took me back to the hotel at that point if memory serves.
I slept only a couple hours because I had plans to go to the Dead Sea with my friends but our schedules got mixed up so in the end just one of my two friends, Lama, came with me and my friend who helped me get to the hefla took us. I was not only exhausted by this point, I was practically dead tired... My eyelids were so heavy like lead and i had to prop them open with my fingers just to see the scenery on our way to the Dead Sea. But i was determined to see all my friends and go to the Dead Sea before heading for Kuwait, and my flight was only in a few hours to top it off.
But even though I was sooo tired, I was having soo much fun with my friends and we were laughing about my sleepiness the whole way there. Sometimes we would be talking and suddenly I would catch myself sleeping. When we finally arrived in Mathaba, we were running late so we didn't have time to meet one of my friends who lives there. We just went to see how they make mosaics, which the city is well-known for, then to an old church full of these mosaics and then we headed for the dead sea. We got as far as the cliff overlooking the dead sea, and went to a church there that was commemorating the prophet Moses (pbuh) and showed where he once may have traveled. We saw the Dead Sea from there. there was a security check point or ticket place to see this viewpoint and church, and they though that Lama was the tourist and that I was Jordanian because I was wearing hijab and she wasn't. Funny, because it was the other way around. After some photos and walking around, and of course grabbing a quick shawarma, we had to turn back because we were worried we would miss my flight at that point as there was still a ways to go before we would get there.

When we got back to Mathaba, Lama got for me a Red Bull. Before this I had never really been desperate enough to drink Red Bull, as usually a coffee or tea would suffice. I tried to avoid all processed drinks and sodas let alone red bull which is full or caffeine and I don't know what other chemicals and stuff. But at this point I was sooooooooo exhausted that I figured it wouldn't hurt to see if Red Bull really does pick u up and give you wings. I drank it in one swallow. Surprisingly, I felt instantly revived. So my friends got me like 3 more. I was wide awake by the time I was heading back. When I would start to feel the sleepiness overtake me again, I would just down another can of Red Bull. It was my best friend that day. Although, I realized soon that after the high, comes the low, and it was sooooo hard to make it through that day after all that sugar and caffeine high. But it sure was funny.

Hehe, now I realize why I never wrote this post before, because I knew it was going to take a long time, because there was so much to tell! :p But I digress... As I was saying, we were heading back quickly because my other friends wanted to see me one last time before I would go to the airport. So I met them at my hotel lobby so I could pick up my luggage and then head for the airport. They offered to take me to the airport, so we went in the car. Then, I suddenly realized we were not heading to the airport, but back to their home! They wanted me to have lunch with them before leaving! I was honored, but also nervous I might miss my flight! But I forgot about the flight when I arrived and found everyone there waiting for me to eat with them. It was so nice. Now that was Jordanian hospitality at its best.

We ate together outside on the patio under the grapes and grape vines and I couldn't help but remember the many verses in the Injil (Gospels) referring to the grape vine. Also, the olive trees were everywhere in Jordan. I even ate one right off the tree because I wanted to have the full experience of the tree, to taste the reality of actually seeing a tree growing olives right in front of me on the side of the street and remembering so many references to olives, olive oil, and olive trees in the bible. It was a beautiful experience to feel connected to the religious past in this way, a very deep sensory experience for me.

Oh yeah, before I left Jordan, I even shot a gun! it was sooo wanasa, we did target practice on a can with the boys of the house. Then baba 3tef came out and saw me hitting the can dead on. It was too cool. They like to fish. I hope to go back and fish with them someday inshallah. That would be another experience remeniscent of the stories I had grown up reading in the injil. Masha Allah. Such a spiritual journey this has all been for me even until today.
Oh yeah!
I forgot to mention that the family knew I liked mansaf so they took me to eat it at one of the best restaurants for mansaf in Jordan. It was soooooooooooooooooooooooo yummy. I prefer to eat with my hands, like is an old Arab custom and it is said that the prophets (pbut) including Mohammed (saaws) used their hands to eat too. So when I went to eat the mansaf naturally I wanted my first time eating mansaf in its country of origin to be with my hands. The family laughed because everyone in the restaurant was eating with forks!!! But I went ahead and used my hands anyway with no shame and so they also did too. We still laugh about that day even today. We also wen to have this yummy milk drink that had honey and nuts and some kind of sweet cream or cheese in it. It was soo good but I don't know what it's called. Anyway as soon as I find the name I will let you know.
I also had an Arabic breakfast and it was soooooo nice too. I had olives and bread with zatar and fresh cheese and vegetables. It was so healthy, which is one thing I loved about Jordan and Palestine so much, there was an abundance of fruit and vegetables. Mmmmmmm, so healthy.

Anyway, the day I was supposed to catch my flight, after the lunch, my friends raced to get me to the airport in time. We saw our lives flash before our eyes many times on the freeway. It was craziness. We were driving like maniacs. It was scarey but so funny at the same time. I wonder if I have some of that caught on tape. Inshallah.. hehehe. Anyway, we finally made it to the airport and they got me quickly through security.
They were all so nice. I was going to miss Rub3a so much because she was the sister I never had and her brothers were also very special each of them. but I felt such an amazing connection with her, like with no friend I have ever had. There is a proverb that says there is a friendship stronger than a brother and that is what I have with her I feel in my heart. May Allah bless her heart. Anyway, I got through security so quickly and easily, which was a great relief in comparison to the stark difference of the Israeli security.
However when i finally got to the front of the line at the check-in counter I was informed that I was too late for my flight. It was early in the day however and there were many flights and airlines that fly to Kuwait and Kuwait is only a couple of hours plane ride away. But that turned out to be the last flight of the day for my airline and I tried to get a flight on any other airline to no avail. Not only that, but they were all telling me they were not only booked for that day but also for the next entire week!!! Here I was stranded in Jordan and my school was to begin that week and I was supposed to meet my roommate coming from the states that very day! But for some reason it was not Allah's will for me to leave. You know I had even thought to take a bus to Kuwait! hehe. In the end, thanks to my friends, Baba 3tef has good connections because he is such a great man and everyone who knows him loves him, at least that's what I imagine, that he was able to get for me a flight on the very same airline the next day! So I was saved, late, but saved. I was again stuck at the airport but happy to be able to get to Kuwait in time for school. Alhamdulellah. But the flight ended up also being very late I cannot remember why, but thanks to this, I made it on time as we once again had to race for this flight! hehehe. But thanks to missing the first flight, I was able to fly between two very nice people, a Kuwaiti man and a Palestinian woman. The Kuwaiti man was like an angel to me and I tell this story in an earlier post. At any rate, Jordan was an amazing experience and place and I cannot wait to go back again very soon. As soon as Allah will allow it. I miss my friends, I hope to see more of my friends and I hope to go to Aqaba and Petra and actually get to touch the Dead Sea, not just see it from afar, although to see it was somehow very spiritual and fulfilling for me too.
Well, it is so late now, I so I will leave it at that. I hope you enjoyed it and I hope you can also visit Jordan soon too insha Allah.
was-salam, mimi

(Assalamu alaikoum wa rahmatAllah wa barakatoh) اسلام و اليكم ورحمة الله و بركاته

Assalamu alaikoum,
I was reflecting about this greeting that is common not only to Arabs but to Muslims around the world. I was wondering where it came from and why Muslims adhere to it so much without straying from it, especially the more religious Muslims who seem to have a hard time even cutting it down to just Salam. I always tried to say it because I remembered an aya (verse) from the Quran that had mentioned that whenever someone greets us we should respond with an even better greeting, which explained to me why when someone says "assalamu alaikoum" many do not just respond with "alaikoum salam" but add to it by replying: "alaikoum salam WA RAHMATALLAH WA BARAKATOH" which means basically and peace be upon u and Allah's mercy and blessings. Here it is:

وَإِذَا حُيِّيْتُم بِتَحِيَّةٍ فَحَيُّواْ بِأَحْسَنَ مِنْهَا أَوْ رُدُّوهَا إِنَّ اللّهَ كَانَ عَلَى كُلِّ شَيْءٍ حَسِيبًا 4:86
Waitha huyyeetum bitahiyyatin fahayyoo biahsana minha aw ruddooha inna Allaha kana AAala kulli shayin haseeban
4:86 But when you are greeted with a greeting, answer with an even better greeting, or [at least] with the like thereof. [105] Verily, God keeps count indeed of all things.

But I noticed when looking up this aya again that it did not specify what words exactly one should say when greeting. So I then asked myself, why then do Muslims seem to insist on using "assalamu alaikoum" and saying it also in Arabic? Why don't we just say "peace" or "hello my friend" "sup dawg" or any other friendly or caring greeting or in any other language for that matter. That is when my good friend said that Assalamu Alaikoum is specifically the greeting of the angels, so what better greeting is better than that?
And he pointed out other places that mention greetings in the Quran, and that is when it made sense for me that Assalamu alaikoum really is the best greeting, and so why not use the best? Here they are:
[6:54]
When those who believe in our revelations come to you, you shall say, "Salmun `Alaykum (Peace be upon you). Your Lord has decreed that mercy is His attribute. Thus, anyone among you who commits a transgression out of ignorance, and repents thereafter and reforms, then He is Forgiving, Most Merciful."

[7:46]
A barrier separates them, while the Purgatory is occupied by people who recognize each side by their looks. They will call the dwellers of Paradise: "Peace be upon you." They did not enter (Paradise) through wishful thinking.

[13:23]
They enter the gardens of Eden, together with the righteous among their parents, their spouses, and their children. The angels will enter in to them from every door.

[13:24]
"Peace be upon you, because you steadfastly persevered. What a joyous destiny."

[16:32]
The angels terminate their lives in a state of righteousness, saying, "Peace be upon you. Enter Paradise (now) as a reward for your works."

[27:59]
Say, "Praise be to GOD and peace be upon His servants whom He chose. Is GOD better, or the idols some people set up?"

[28:55]
When they come across vain talk, they disregard it and say, "We are responsible for our deeds, and you are responsible for your deeds. Peace be upon you. We do not wish to behave like the ignorant ones."

[39:73]
Those who reverenced their Lord will be led to Paradise in throngs. When they get to it, and its gates are opened, its guards will say, "Peace be upon you; you have won. Therefore, you abide herein forever."

and in conclusion, assalamu alaikoum wa rahmatAllah