In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful....

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful....

Introduction

This is a journal of my experience in life as as a Muslim convert. I share about the things I learn, question, reflect upon, achieve, and experience on the path of Islam. [96:1-5] Read! In the name of your Lord who created - Created the human from something which clings. Read! And your Lord is Most Bountiful - He who taught (the use of) the Pen, Taught the human that which he knew not.

About Maryam

I study Islamic Studies and International Business at the university, and enjoy studying political science and languages as well. On my free time I study Arabic, Hebrew, and religion. I am Guatemalan and American.I am also Spanish, Italian Scottish and German. I also speak Spanish, Japanese, and Italian. I love to learn about other cultures. I also love to learn about nutrition and fitness. I am very active in sports, outdoor activities and exercise, and flamenco dance class. I am fascinated with my country, Guatemala, it is such a beautiful place, full of variety and rich culture and history, especially the Maya. I LOVE to cook and I try to have a well-balanced diet. Someday I also hope to learn Amharic, Persian (Farsi), and Aramaic and I hope to travel to all of the middle east and Ethiopia, Japan, and Sicily.

Knowledge and Understanding

[2:269] He [Allah] grants wisdom to whom He pleases; and he to whom wisdom is granted indeed receives a benefit overflowing. But none will grasp the Message except men of understanding.
[20:114] High above all is Allah, the King, the Truth. Do not be in haste with the Qur'an before its revelation to you is completed, but say, "O my Sustainer! Increase my knowledge."
[3:190-191] Verily in the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the alternation of night and day - there are indeed signs for men of understanding; Men who remember Allah, standing, sitting, and lying down on their sides, and contemplate the creation of the heavens and the earth (with the thought) "Our Lord! Not for nothing have You created (all) this. Glory to You! Give us salvation from the suffering of the Fire."
[39:9] ...Say: Are those equal, those who know and those who do not know? It is those who are endued with understanding that remember (Allah's Message).
[58:11] ...Allah will raise up to (suitable) ranks (and degrees) those of you who believe and who have been granted knowledge.

Sheikh Mishary Al Afasy

He came to my mosque in the USA to recite from the Qur'an recently and when he prayed salat he cried. My first time to pray the late night prayer during Ramadan was when I went to Kuwait in the Grand Mosque and Mishary was reciting Surat Maryam! Sub7anAllah... Here is a video of nasheed (Islamic poetry) from him. He has been blessed with a beautiful voice for praising Allah, masha' Allah. You can see some of his recitations of the Qur'an at my mosque at this site - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sg2QYHmRfY0&mode=related&search=

Sunday, July 15, 2007

The Shahada

2:136 Say: "We believe in God, and in that which has been bestowed from on high upon us, and that which has been bestowed upon Abraham and Ishmael and Isaac and Jacob and ,their descendants, [111] and that which has been vouchsafed to Moses and Jesus; and that which has been vouchsafed to all the [other] prophets by their Sustainer: we make no distinction between any of them. [112] And it is unto Him that we surrender ourselves."

قُولُواْ آمَنَّا بِاللّهِ وَمَآ أُنزِلَ إِلَيْنَا وَمَا أُنزِلَ إِلَى إِبْرَاهِيمَ وَإِسْمَاعِيلَ وَإِسْحَقَ وَيَعْقُوبَ وَالأسْبَاطِ وَمَا أُوتِيَ مُوسَى وَعِيسَى وَمَا أُوتِيَ النَّبِيُّونَ مِن رَّبِّهِمْ لاَ نُفَرِّقُ بَيْنَ أَحَدٍ مِّنْهُمْ وَنَحْنُ لَهُ مُسْلِمُونَ (2:136)

17:36 And never concern thyself with anything of which thou hast no knowledge: [45] verily, [thy] hearing and sight and heart - all of them - will be called to account for it [on Judgment Day]!

وَلاَ تَقْفُ مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ إِنَّ السَّمْعَ وَالْبَصَرَ وَالْفُؤَادَ كُلُّ أُولـئِكَ كَانَ عَنْهُ مَسْؤُولاً (17:36)


I chose these two verses from the Holy Quran because they both relate to what I want to share with you about today.
It took me a while before I said the shahada even though with my heart, my mouth and with my heart I had the Muslim faith in me from the first time I heard a Surah from the Quran recited. However, I do not like to just accept what people say without any knowledge or reflection whatsoever. For example, someone can come up to you and say "do this!" Allah commands it. And yes, we should hear Allah's command and obey without hesitation, but when someone just tells you something, you should naturally study for yourself. Even if they say, its in a hadeeth or its in the Quran. We cannot tell Allah in that day that we did it because it was in the Quran because maybe He will ask us, really? Where in the Quran is that? Or, did you read it for yourself to make sure? Also, someone might tell you to do something that sounds correct and right, but that is against what is clearly stated in the Quran, then you owe it to yourself to reflect and investigate further before doing it. We all have to answer to Allah one day for everything we do here and now.

That is one reason Allah gave us the miracles of our minds. We cannot depend on others to feed us information on what to do and how to live, we must also do our own searching within our own ability. Just like the verse above states, we will be accountable for our hearing, sight, and hearts one day. So we cannot tell Allah that we used someone else's sight to get by in life. If Allah asks me, why did you do this or that? I want to be able to give him a good answer. I cannot just tell him "someone told me to do it." Sometimes it is hard not to just do what everyone else does, even within the religion. It has become a part of tradition that even when it might be wrong, people do it because everyone else does it. But we are Muslim and we must honor Allah's word and His laws and understand what they are. It is part of our duty as believers even if people persecute us for being this way. It is hard to go against tradition, but we will never make a difference if we do not stand for what is right. That is the only way things can change. Maybe if we trust in Allah to give us the strength, we can help other people to also see the truth.

When I heard what the traditional shahada was, based on hadith, it seemed to conflict with the shahada of all those mentioned in the Qur'an; the Queen of Sheba, Abraham (pbuh), Jacob(pbuh), Issac(pbuh), Ishmael (pbuh), just to name a few. It seemed when asked by Allah to submit to Him, they just said, "we submit to Allah", "We hear and we obey". That's all. Of course in different words, but that was the gist of it. And that made a lot of sense to me. It was a declaration of the faith in Allah and submission to Him, which is the essence of Islam. I had a lot of questions about it, but I did not concern myself with them because if Mohammad (pbuh) really did ask of us to say the shahada in this way, I cannot go against that. My only question that continued however, was something that I felt was going against the teaching from the Quran.

I thought to myself, why is the shahada I am expected to say, different from what others said in the Quran? I knew that it came from hadith, and I would have said it right away had it not been that based on what I had read in the Qur'an, that we cannot witness what we have not been present to see, how then could I say that I witness that Mohammad (pbuh) was Allah's messenger? It almost seemed blasphemous for me to say something like that when I never witness it myself. In English, to witness means to see something with your own eyes. For example, when you see a crime committed, you are a witness to that crime. Or when someone signs a contract, you sign your name also because you are with them as a witness. It seemed that it contradicted the Quran to say that I witness that because a few times in the Quran it talks about that Allah is the best witness, but Allah sees everything. I don't. However, as I did further study, I saw that the word in Arabic "shahada" has many related meanings, and may not necessarily mean the same thing as "physical witness." It can also mean to attest or to confirm, and to testify something that you see OR believe. Also, in one translation of a verse in the Quran it said that Allah is enough as a witness. When I read that, I thought, if he is enough as a witness, then why should I say that I witness in the shahada testimony? But in another translation, it said simply that there is no witness like Allah. And that makes sense, because Allah is the best witness, because he can witness what is inside our hearts. Who can say he can do something like that??? And if it is true that he is enough as a witness, then why does it say in Surah Baqarah in Ayat 143, that we can bear witness to the truth through our lives? So after that, I felt peace in my spirit that if I said "ashhadu ana...." it would make sense because I do attest to that, and I do believe in that. So, in conclusion, I said the shahada in Arabic just as most Muslims say it, but in English, i said it using I attest, and confirm.

I feel that the Quran was meant for all mankind and that it is our guide and yes, it is important to consult scholars and read and study, but I want to make it clear that I believe that we should use it and apply it to our lives. We should not be afraid of reading the Qur'an ourselves. Do you honestly think Allah would have made the book only for the smartest or most skilled people? It is for us all. Some people are scared to read it for fear or misunderstanding it or misinterpreting it. That is fine, but don't be afraid about it. Pray before you read, ask Allah for guidance and trust in His word. Yes the Qur'an is beautiful with millions of messages for us, but the Quran is also clear and complete. It helped me so much in so many ways until now and I continue to reflect upon it everyday. I also think it is wise to consult scholars on topics and use other sources for support, but I'm jut saying that the Quran is for us all and should be held higher than all sources of knowledge in the world. It is a miracle in itself and there is nothing that comes even close to it.

I said the shahada to my brother in Islam, Adnan, who is from Saudi Arabia of Turkish descent. He was the first person to teach me about Islam. He was so patient with me and he and his family helped me so much. He is wise, knowledgable, and humble and has a very big heart. May Allah bless them all.

Islam we have to remember has always existed even before the Quran was revealed. It is complete submission to Allah, just as it was for Ibrahim and Noah, and Jesus and Mohammad, peace be upon them and all the prophets. If you notice, a lot of times in the Qur'an it points to this important fact. We not only follow the faith of Mohammad (pbuh), but also of the very same faith as the believers before him. So when I became Muslim, I was taking up the very same belief I held before, only that now, I have the Quran as a guide and have believed in the prophet hood in Mohammad (phuh) who came after Jesus (pbuh) and served to help us increase in purity and by him were given the Quran from Allah.

Below I added some additional verses from the Quran that touched me.

4:122 Yet those who attain to faith and do righteous deeds We shall bring into gardens through which running waters flow, therein to abide beyond the count of time: this is, in truth, God's promise - and whose word could be truer than God's?
وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ وَعَمِلُواْ الصَّالِحَاتِ سَنُدْخِلُهُمْ جَنَّاتٍ تَجْرِي مِن تَحْتِهَا الأَنْهَارُ خَالِدِينَ فِيهَا أَبَدًا وَعْدَ اللّهِ حَقًّا وَمَنْ أَصْدَقُ مِنَ اللّهِ قِيلاً (4:122)


4:124 whereas anyone - be it man or woman - who does [whatever he can] of good deeds and is a believer withal, shall enter paradise, and shall not be wronged by as much as [would fill] the groove of a date-stone.
وَمَن يَعْمَلْ مِنَ الصَّالِحَاتَ مِن ذَكَرٍ أَوْ أُنثَى وَهُوَ مُؤْمِنٌ فَأُوْلَـئِكَ يَدْخُلُونَ الْجَنَّةَ وَلاَ يُظْلَمُونَ نَقِيرًا (4:124)

4:125 And who could be of better faith than he who surrenders his whole being unto God and is a doer of good withal, and follows the creed of Abraham, who turned away from all that is false - seeing that God exalted Abraham with His love? [144]
وَمَنْ أَحْسَنُ دِينًا مِّمَّنْ أَسْلَمَ وَجْهَهُ لله وَهُوَ مُحْسِنٌ واتَّبَعَ مِلَّةَ إِبْرَاهِيمَ حَنِيفًا وَاتَّخَذَ اللّهُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ خَلِيلاً (4:125)

2:130 And who, unless he be weak of mind, would want to abandon Abraham's creed, seeing that We have indeed raised him high in this world, and that, verily, in the life to come he shall be among the righteous?

وَمَن يَرْغَبُ عَن مِّلَّةِ إِبْرَاهِيمَ إِلاَّ مَن سَفِهَ نَفْسَهُ وَلَقَدِ اصْطَفَيْنَاهُ فِي الدُّنْيَا وَإِنَّهُ فِي الآخِرَةِ لَمِنَ الصَّالِحِينَ (2:130)

2:131 When his Sustainer said to him, "Surrender thyself unto Me!" - he answered, "I have surrendered myself unto [Thee,] the Sustainer of all the worlds."
إِذْ قَالَ لَهُ رَبُّهُ أَسْلِمْ قَالَ أَسْلَمْتُ لِرَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ (2:131)

2:133 Nay, but you [yourselves, O children of Israel ,] bear witness [107] that when death was approaching Jacob, he said unto his sons: "Whom will you worship after I am gone?" They answered: "We will worship thy God, the God of thy forefathers Abraham and Ishmael [108] and Isaac, the One God; and unto Him w;1l we surrender ourselves."

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أَمْ كُنتُمْ شُهَدَاء إِذْ حَضَرَ يَعْقُوبَ الْمَوْتُ إِذْ قَالَ لِبَنِيهِ مَا تَعْبُدُونَ مِن بَعْدِي قَالُواْ نَعْبُدُ إِلَـهَكَ وَإِلَـهَ آبَائِكَ إِبْرَاهِيمَ وَإِسْمَاعِيلَ وَإِسْحَقَ إِلَـهًا وَاحِدًا وَنَحْنُ لَهُ مُسْلِمُونَ (2:133)

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Purification of the Heart

Salam
My class on Salat and Purification of the Heart was today. It went very well alhamdulEllah. The first class we reflected on a book by Hamza Yousef titled "Purification of the Heart." I enjoyed the talk. The girls brought up some important points about what this means for our life.

My point was that many of us Muslims can get caught up in the details of the rituals of the religion and trying to pursue excellence in them, and get lost in that. As a result, they end up losing track on what Islam is all about in the first place, glorifying Allah and submitting to Him. We become so preoccupied with doing wudu correctly or analyzing hadeeth and other actions that are good in and of themselves, but we forget to address what is in our hearts and how are we being towards those around us. As we fill our hearts with knowledge, we need to keep present what is the reason behind each thing we do and say. What is it that is driving us, as my Imam at my mosque in California, Sheikh Sadullah Khan would remind us to ask ourselves.

We must live Islam at every moment of our life, be constantly conscious and cognizant of God's presence in our lives and our role as his followers. It doesn't matter where we are in our knowledge as Muslims, how much we know at any given point along the line. What matters is we do our best with what we know at each moment to bring honor to Allah and make our best effort to pursue knowledge.

However, if we focus only on perfecting all the details on how to do this or that perfectly, we can risk forgetting that we are Muslims and God does listen to us and we can do things in the name of Allah even if all of what we do is not in perfect form or knowledge at one point or another. Otherwise we will have spent all are lives picking apart all of these things, but never took enough time to actually live day to day as a Muslim in how we interact with each other and reflecting on what is in our hearts and what goodness we can implant into them that would support our ability to worship Allah in all we do.

The point is to have a balance, between the pursuit of knowledge and consciousness of the condition of our heart and example towards others as Muslims. It's like this; I am just starting out as a Muslim, so there are a million things I still have to learn before I will get salat correctly, or do other things well. But I can't wait until I know everything perfectly to start living as a Muslim and applying what I know to my life.

Allah knows our hearts and I know Allah understands where I am now. We can all be kind to others and be compassionate and be patient and have faith in Allah and worship him and commune with Him no matter what level of knowledge we have in Islam now. At the same time we can work our hardest to increase in knowledge and ask Allah for help in this.

May Allah bring you success.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Finally at the University



AlhamdulEllah, I'm finally a university student. It has been a long road to get here, but here I am. I had been doing so well in my career and traveled so much for it that there was little chance for me to get my degree until now. I felt I could leave my career at this point safely since I had established a good foundation there so that I can go back to it if I would like to after graduating.

I had been living in California for the past two years and now I am back full time in Seattle attending the University of Washington with a 30 credit load this summer. It feels so great to be here alhamdulEllah. It is a real blessing. I pinch myself as I walk through campus everyday to make sure I'm not dreaming. I'm very thankful for the opportunity to be here. I love my teachers and all my classes. I am taking Intensive Arabic, Managerial Accounting, and Calculus. In a couple weeks I'll be starting a course about the Injil (Gospels). I am a junior, so I have about two years left.

I may go back to California after this quarter however, as I was offered a really really good career opportunity there just recently. But I wouldn't leave until after the quarter is over of course. I know it sounds a little crazy, but we have to go with the curves life throws at us, and take advantage of the opportunities when they are presented to us. If I don't take the job, which I will decide about this week, I will continue to complete my college education now.

I plan to study abroad this fall insha Allah and it looks like I would be studying in Kuwait in the university for one semester. I am very excited about that possibility too. I have to study abroad for one semester for my international business degree and while I'm there, I hope to improve my Arabic and study Islam on my free time.

Other than the university, I found a local mosque where I am taking a class about Salat and Purification of the Heart. I am also going to start in a class on the hadeeth on Thursdays insha Allah.

It is a small world. When I was planning to come back to Washington for the university back in December, I joined the Muslim Student Organization at the University and requested help in finding a Muslim girl roommate. I got an email from a young lady who was interested in being my roommate. However, the plan fell through because I decided not to go back to Washington until June. Just recently, I discovered that this same girl is the one who leads the classes I attend and she is soooo nice and wise. What a small world!!!! I am really happy we have become friends. I have made a few friends already through the classes at the mosque and at school. They are all very admirable people and I have a diverse community of friends forming that I am very thankful to Allah for. This is more than what I had envisioned for my social circle at the university. I feel very happy here, alhamdulEllah.

It is my first time going to school as a Muslim and it's very cool that people even in my Arabic class have expressed interest in attending the mosque with me to learn more about Islam, and that is without me saying anything to them about going, it has come directly out of their hearts. That is sooo cool. AlhamdulEllah. Some of my classmates also ask me questions about Islam and it is a great opportunity to share about it with others. It is cool to see people wanting to understand it and learn more about it. It reminds me of me when I was just starting to know what Islam was. I'm very happy for them that they have open minds and want to seek knowledge.

Knowledge is so key to life.

Take care my brothers and sisters. I love you all.